I want to just start off by saying you are so very loved. Thank you from the deepest corner of my heart for being here. I am giving you the tightest hug through this screen.
I started writing shortly after I suffered a brain injury in 2014. I never really know how to bring this subject up or what to say.
I had been a really intense volleyball player and suffered knee injuries that just wouldn’t heal. Something happened in the spring of my sophomore year of high school while I was under anesthesia during my last of several knee surgeries. I am 20 now. When I returned to school after that last surgery everything was different. Nothing came easily anymore. I turned into a zombie after using my brain for 15 minutes. I took four hour naps every single day for months.
Doctors don’t really know what exactly happened. Nothing showed up on imaging or any testing. The only tangible evidence that confirmed I wasn’t going crazy was a 4 hour long neuropsychological test. I tested above average in every part of the brain except in a few that are located in the left brain where the scores were very low.
I was a full out nerd. School was my thing. I genuinely found pleasure in it. I had plans to play Division 1 volleyball at a school that would give me a really good education. I thought I had everything figured out and lost it all in a second.
I wasn’t me and my soul began to descend into the darkest place. After months of trying everything under the sun to get through my classes, I couldn’t handle it any longer. A peace came to me that I needed to withdraw from high school. I’m the last person anyone who knew me would have imagined would make that decision. I really felt like it was my only option if I wanted to keep from completely losing myself. A few months later I received my GED.
Pouring letters on blank pages gave me comfort nothing else could. It was the only way I knew how to cope. They gave me meaning to the world around me that didn’t make sense anymore. Nights of crying turned into mornings of writing.
I am blown away by the brain’s ability to heal. Today, my symptoms are much improved. I don’t remember the last time I took a nap. That’s a miracle to me. I can handle sound stimulation that used to trigger panic attacks. I haven’t used my special ear plugs in a few months. That’s a miracle to me. Anxiety and depression don’t hold a gripping control over me anymore. I am so strong.
My healing is beautiful and my healing is mine.
The term and definition of “Finding My Verse” came to me the first day I opened up my journal. The phrase poured out to me so naturally, as if this definition of the word Verse already existed.
Verse ‘\ˈvərs\ : (n) a purpose, a passion, a path, an absolute fulfiller of life
When I lost who I thought I was, I began the most beautiful journey of discovering who I really am and why I’m me.
I visualize my soul’s Verse as a flower.
The stem is my path, my strength.
The roots are my passions that give energy upward,
towards the most fulfilling part of my flower.
My petals, my purpose, my love.
Purpose blossoms beautiful petals of love.
Receiving Love and giving love is my absolute fulfiller.
Love has saved me and Love keeps me going. Love is why we are here.
So I share with you the Love I find within my Verse….
Thank you for being here.